My First Mother's Day

Today I was telling my husband what I want to do on Mother's Day.

It is, after all, my first one.  It's like a rite of passage, being loved on that special Sunday when there are flowers and jewelry blanketing the public like sky. I suppose that in that moment, I thought I deserved to relax, to be paid attention to.  But the truth is, that's not what it's all about. I don't want to lay on the couch and watch Scandal. I don't want to get a massage. I don't even really want to sleep in and miss the look on my baby's face when she wakes up happy, standing up in her crib like a big girl, bouncing up and down to get to me.  I suppose I am a mother because all I really want is to be with her.

Don't get me wrong - it's been awhile since I've slept late.(Understatement of the year. Mamas, am I right??)  And at the very least, I will take my husband up on his offer of hanging with the baby while I go for a run all by my lonesome with earphones and no specific mileage in mind - and then take a long, hot shower after.  I am human, you know. But mostly, I just want to strap the baby into her stroller or car seat and show her stuff.

Flowers, aquariums, zoos, parks, picnics, trees, all manner of Spring and play. Her face as she discovers a new texture, the air on her face - this is what I want to spend my time looking at.  Olivia Pope, I love you, but you're just not as amazing as that ten month old little girl.

So on Sunday, I'll be right here with my baby. I don't need jewelry or sleep or chocolate. I just need baby giggles and snuggles, gummy smiles, shaky steps and a crawling munchkin zooming across the room to me. My first Mother's Day - and all I want to do is be a Mom.

I am a Mother, a Writer, a Professor. Can I Find Time to Clean the House?

Balancing it all is an interesting concept. I've been reading a book lately, What Happy Working Mothers Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Lead to a Healthy and Happy Work/Life Balance.  One idea that it presents fairly early on is the idea that I can be the "CEO" of my family.  The idea of this is really attractive, right?  Picture it:

I wake up in the morning and immediately find time to wash up.  My boobs are not too full because they are used to my baby's eating habits. I put on a sports bra that fits well and work out without waking up the baby. I shower.  I wake the baby and feed her, get us both ready for the day before leaving for work.  At work, I am a model of success. When my husband or the caregiver texts in the middle of the day with a question about the baby, I have the answer immediately and without worry. I handle my job with the ease of a true professional, not a hair out of place. I commute home and the traffic does not stress me out. My evening is spent playing with, bathing and feeding my baby and she goes right to sleep when I put her down. I then get lunches and food ready for the next day and spend time with my husband watching a show we both like, speaking deeply on issues that matter to us and spending satisfying time together before falling off into a dreamless sleep. My baby doesn't wake me for hours. I am in charge of everything.

Sounds perfect, right? Full, but manageable, if not a bit glossed over. I mean, nothing is planned out perfectly. Routine is all well and good, but my baby may decide she wants to eat before I work out.  I haven't worked in time for personal pursuits like writing or learning Bengali and practicing the guitar. I haven't spoken honestly about how hard it is to pump in between the classes I teach at the university so I can continue to breastfeed my baby.  And when, exactly, does my house get cleaned, organized, sanitized for that little baby?

I am blessed with a husband who is willing to help with all of this, but he is busy as well. And there are only so many hours in the day.  So, while I continue to read books about being a successful working mother, managing my time effectively, remaining calm in the face of 103 degree fevers, messy diarrhea, complaining students and a sticky kitchen floor, I wonder if being this CEO is possible. Perhaps I should read a book on positive thinking next.